People who claim not to care about what other people think are full of baloney. All things being equal, things seem easier and much more pleasant when you're liked by those around you. There is a danger, though, in placing too much importance on being liked.
Take my colleague, for example. I frequently need his buy-in on important decisions. When we first started working together, I was delighted by his agreeable nature. Most of the time, he readily agreed with my proposals, even though his feedback about related decisions led me to believe he might have concerns. I even allowed myself moments of hubris, thinking it was my amazing intellect that had won him over. It didn't take long for me to realize my naiveté.
Like exasperating Whack-a-Mole rodents, the objections he didn't want to share with me directly lest he drop to the bottom of my "most favorite" list eventually popped up in strange and surprising ways. I began seeing broader ramifications of his "agree-first-rescind-later-in-a-roundabout-way" behavior, and finally understood the knowing glances and not-well-hidden eye rolls shared across meeting room tables after he stated views on any topic. Other colleagues' hesitation at the beginning of new projects he'd blessed now made sense. Like the rest, I learned how to pry, cajole, or otherwise force his true views into the open with figurative Heimlich maneuvers.
I sometimes wonder what else I could do with the time I spend on these quests for honest opinion. Learn to speak Welsh? Finish the great American novel? Perhaps I could become certified as an interrogator. I have, after all, developed quite a knack for getting confessions.
Franny Fried